


Beautiful Disaster

by Twisted_Barbie



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Character Study, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, robron - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2019-01-01 00:48:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12144915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twisted_Barbie/pseuds/Twisted_Barbie
Summary: A brief character study of Aaron up to the events of 19/09/17





	Beautiful Disaster

**Author's Note:**

> After last night’s episode, I was emoting on Twitter and found that 140 characters was not nearly enough to express my feelings, or even attempt to describe the beautiful disaster that is #Robron

Aaron Dingle was a passionate man, though his actions were thoughtless, instinctive and often times detrimental to himself. Self-preservation was secondary to his emotional instability. He didn’t believe he was worthy to be saved and so he became a martyr for the cause, any cause, the more dangerous the better. His father had dehumanised him in his informative years and so he became a walking weapon, projecting what he felt like on the inside onto the outside. 

His cries for help were stifled by his actions and in the silence of his despair he took a razor to his wrist and cut quickly. It was shallow, non-life threatening but painful and in the ecstasy of pain he rejoiced. Each cut carved out the demon that lurked beneath his skin and allowed for his compromised soul to seep back in through the bleeding wounds. 

He found solace in the pain and escapism. Yet the darkness remained in the corners of his mind, festering like an open sore. He was mentally wounded, a sickness of the mind so consuming everyday felt as though he was treading water.

Then one day there was light in his miserable world. A faint ray of hope that cleansed him of his sins. He bathed in the light not realising he was burning, going from one extreme to another. He found the true meaning of family, regaining a mother and finding a father in Paddy. He made friends and he found love. 

Jackson.

Beautiful and unassuming, he had gotten lost in his brown eyes and had found himself within them. But he was emotionally immature, he loved as fiercely as he hated, he pushed as viciously as he pulled and the birth of something beautiful died as a consequence. 

Jackson blamed him for the accident, he didn’t have to say it, he could see it in his eyes. Their kisses once passionate now tasted of ash and the welcoming light in Jackson’s eyes flickered out like a candle in the wind. He tried to love him. He did love him and he loved him enough to let him go. 

Jackson was a piece of happiness he did not deserve. There was something dark within him, poisonous and corruptive that would make a butterfly tear off its wings and stare in horror at its own visage. He had sampled what the light had to offer and he had tainted it. 

Then came Robert Sugden, a tall drink of poison and suddenly he had an unquenchable thirst. Robert was an unapologetic monster, emotionally immature and prone to violent outbursts. While he was passionate and thoughtless, Robert was cruel and cunning and together they would watch the world burn. 

He knew what Robert was, who Robert was when he had first met him. Driven, unscrupulous and more of a Dingle than he could ever be. He was drawn in like a moth to a flame, dying to be with him. He snatched moments of time that were not his to have and though he cared about Chrissy, he never cared enough. He was selfish in his love for Robert, his keen desire to taste something forbidden overwhelmed his rationale. 

In Robert, he found the other half of his fractured soul and Robert found in him a confidant. Their love was intense and so was their hatred. Time and again they drew apart only to collide again, harder, leaving more devastation in the wake of their love. 

During his time with Robert he had grown as a person, his abused inner child had made a friend and his sanctity of silence imploded. He spoke a truth he could never have uttered to Jackson as he was too pure to hear it. He had admitted what Gordon had done to him and he had gotten justice for his stolen childhood and for a brief moment the darkness was chased from his mind. 

It was a new beginning but for something to begin, something else must end and he should have foreseen that it would be them. Their bright future was built on the backs of those they had trampled on, unsolid foundations doomed to fall apart, and when it did, hell hath no fury. 

He was thoughtless, and Robert was cruel. 

Their love was like the Tango, concentrated and fierce, following a rhythm that left no room for anyone else. No room for Liv, no room for Rebecca and certainly no room for a baby. 

And just like that, the darkness returned as though it had never left; perhaps it hadn’t. He etched his pain onto his stomach and tried to bleed the darkness from himself. The pain was only a momentary distraction not enough to banish the vile thoughts that had begun to plague his mind. 

At that moment, looking at his macabre artistry he realised his love for Robert would kill him. Their passion burned too hot and his need for Robert had become desperate. So, he sent Robert away, for once thinking about himself, knowing his own worth, because of Robert.

He had naively believed that the darkness would follow Robert’s departure but it had stayed. He tried to drown his demons but they learnt how to swim so he ignored them instead, filled his mind with violent video games pretending that he did not care. 

The bed still smelled like Robert, he couldn’t bring himself to change the sheets. His cologne was still in the bathroom on the shelf beneath the mirror; he sprays the inside of his jumper with it daily. He wears a smile that is not his and laughs at jokes that aren’t funny to overcompensate how truly unhappy he is. 

Now his sister lies in a hospital bed and he and Robert are inexplicably drawn together once more. He loves him and yet he hates him. He wants to take Robert’s life and die beside him. They are poison, they are toxic but they are one. 

He returns to Liv’s side, and ignores her obvious glances towards the Doctor and himself. His heart belongs to the blond-haired blue-eyed leviathan that brought him up from the depths of the river and breathed new life into him.


End file.
